If I were dead...

Don't you hate it when people are unhappy? It just makes you even more unhappy. That's frustrating.

I've decided to write a blog instead of beginning the large mountain of homework that I have to do this weekend.

I think I'd like to start writing about random and quirky things that I think about.

Let's start this off:

What Would Life Would Be Like If I Was Dead

Oh wow Curtis. Really? Is this a suicide note? Are you foreshadowing the end to a very short and unproductive life? Maybe. Not. Are you trying to get attention by making everyone feel all sympathetic and helping everyone to see how important you are to them? Maybe. Not really.

This is something that I know everyone reading this blog post has wondered. There are moments in life where you feel like everyone else around you would be better off if you weren't in their lives. Obviously it's too late to not have ever met them. You can't be completely erased from their memory. The best alternative is to die. This way, you will no longer be in their lives and they might change their perspective of you. Genius? Maybe.

I wasn't being serious. This is just something that I'm curious about. I always think about who would be the first to cry. Would anyone even cry? Who would care? At school, would they be like, "I heard some Asian kid passed away"? or would it be more like, "Curtis is dead? NOOOO." Hmm.

I guess this is some kind of way for me to feel like I'm valued and that people would actually care if I was gone.

Most of the time, when I think about this, it involves a girl. I'm not going to like. Guys, don't act like you've never wondered how that special girl that you are secretly in love with would feel if you died. Well, maybe you haven't. But now you will. Muahahaha. Aren't I crafty?

This is what happens. You meet this girl. You are attracted to her for whatever reason. It could be her contagious smile. It could be the eyes that tacitly comfort you and make you feel like the only person in the universe that she cares about. It could be her cute laugh. It could be her good looking ear lobes. Whatever floats your boat.

You have this feeling that she could never fall for you. Right? I mean. You are just another guy. You've got that feeling that you'll never jump off the friend ladder and make it to the date-able ladder. You are so tolerable. Not anything special. Just tolerable. Seriously, you can't do anything right. You're not as smart as she is. You certainly aren't as good looking. You can only do what everyone else can. How could you possibly be special to her?

Now you are kind of sad. Does she even care about you? Maybe as a friend. But how about in the way that you want to be cared about? There is one way to find out.

Maybe if you were dead and you could watch from heaven, you could see how she reacts when she finds out you've died in a horrible incident. Will she be like, "Oh. Wow. Really?"? Or will she break down into tears and wish you back into life?

This brings me to a tangent. Usually when I think about this, I wonder in which manner I would die. I've fantasized many different scenarios. Car accidents. Life-threatening diseases. But there is usually one instance that always comes up. What if you died to save her?

Stop laughing. I'm totally serious. I think that if this was the way you died, you would most likely get the result that you want. Is it a genuine love or an act of appreciation? Who knows. But one thing you can be sure of is that you have made an everlasting impression on her life. She'll never forget you because you gave your breath to prolong hers.

I would imagine you are in the same class as she is. She is sitting a couple rows behind you. You both are listening to the same droll and monotony that is spilling from your middle-aged teacher. All of a sudden, some crazed man bursts into the room with a gun, threatening to shoot anyone that moves. This girl is scared to death. Somehow she earns the attention of this man. He starts toward her and she retaliates. He is enraged. He points the gun at her from a couple yards away. You see the fear in her eyes. She is trembling. BAM.

Now you are lying on the floor. Your white v-neck shirt is stained with red blood gushing from your stomach. The man is in disbelief. He runs out of the room for some reason. (I don't know why. I just want him to leave so it won't be awkward) This girl puts your head in her lap and starts to cry. This is your opportunity.

What you say in these last breaths could possibly cement you into her memory. You could play the hero card. Tell her it was nothing although it really is something. Tell her that she was worth it. Anything along those lines. You could tell her that you love her and that you were too scared to say it before. That would probably wrench her heart a bit. Basically, say something you would hear in a movie.

You stare into her eyes. You feel your life slipping away from you. Touch her face with your hand. Tell her good-bye. Take a last breath. Shut your eyes. Die.

Then comes the reaction that you've waited for. But who knows what she'll say?

So yeah. That's something I've thought about before. Obviously I'm not sure that I would want to die just to see how I affect some girl. But it's an interesting thing to think about.

Well I guess the thing I wanted everyone to get out of this is to think about how we affect the people around us. Are we positive or negative influences? Do we make them happy or do we cause them to cry? Don't wait to die to find out.

Okay. That's that. Time to work.

So comment and tell me if you've ever thought about stuff like that.

Have a splendidly pleasant day.